


my five year plan starts with you

by plinys



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 06:43:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13184535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: At the top of the page he’s written the words 2018 New Year’s Resolutions but the lines underneath his header were blank, and the coffee in his hand was growing colder by the minute.





	my five year plan starts with you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheSushiMonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSushiMonster/gifts).



> for shruti, to who i owe the world

Leaving the Waverider, leaving the Legends, leaving his  _ family _ , hadn’t been an easy decision. 

It had taken thorough, careful planning, a weighing of his options, and his life, and where he wanted to be five years from now. At the time, he thought he’d had it figured it out. He’d said his goodbyes, spent one last Christmas (or Beebo Day, as Sara had still insisted on calling it with a familiar laugh on her lips) with the team, and then he’d taken the jump ship back to 2017.

Just in time to make it home from Christmas with his mom. 

It had felt right in the moment, laying there in his childhood bedroom, watching the holiday lights flicker intermittently through a frosty window. He’d felt at peace, and had known that leaving wasn’t a mistake. 

Even if there was still an emptiness in his chest, the same space that the team used to occupy. 

Even if there was still a crushing silence in his head, the same space that another voice used to occupy. 

But, now, days later…

It’s not regret that he feels, not exactly.

Just restlessness. The need for something, for anything. 

He’d spent the morning watching the History Channel, starting every conversation with, “Funny story about this,” with his mom until she’d eventually kicked him out of the house, insisting that she could take the Christmas decorations down by herself and that he needed fresh air.

Of course, her idea of fresh air probably hadn’t been getting a coffee at Jitters, and sitting down with a blank notebook and no clue what he was doing with his life.

At the top of the page he’s written the words  _ 2018 New Year’s Resolutions  _ but the lines underneath his header were blank, and the coffee in his hand was growing colder by the minute.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to do with his life now that he wasn’t with the Legends, it was just that there was so much to do.

And he didn’t know where to begin.

He wanted to go back to school.

He wanted to work on a old car.

He wanted to take care of his mom.

He wanted to help out Team Flash occasionally.

He wanted to figure out who he was without another voice in his head. 

He wanted to maybe even try falling in love with someone that loved him back. 

He wanted to be the man that Martin had believed he could be when he’d given up his life for Jax’s. 

Which, in hindsight, was a lot to live up to.

And probably why he’s still staring at the same open page an hour later, not even knowing what to put down, because there was no way to really start. 

No easy step one, to lead to a solution by step three. 

No easy way to - 

“Jax?”

He’s thankful for the distraction, especially coming from a familiar face.

“Lily,” he smiles at her.

It still hurts a little to look at her. There’s a feeling of something like  _ love  _ that lingers in his chest, that he had been so sure before belonged to Martin, but now the feeling lingers even in the aftermath, and he’s not sure what to make of that.

Especially not now, considering how his mom had been whispering at dinner about Lily’s good for nothing boyfriend skipping town after the funeral, leaving Lily with the baby. 

“Where’s Ronnie?”

“My mom’s got him for the afternoon, she said I could use a break from the house,” Lily says, before giving a questioning look to the seat across from him.

“It’s all yours,” he tells her, and watches for her thankful smile, before she slips down into the seat across from him. “It’s funny actually, my mom said the same thing.”

“You’re back in town for the holidays then?” 

“Yeah,” he says, unable to begin to explain just how long his  _ holiday  _ was going to be lasting. 

Not when Lily was smiling at him like that.

“You should come around sometime, I know my mom would love the company. We could play scrabble, and I promise I won’t cheat this time.” 

“This time?”

“It was the heat of the moment, and I’m a little competitive,” Lily insists, before asking the million dollar question. “How long are you in town for, till New Year’s?”

“A little longer than that,” Jax says, carefully, slowly.

“The Legends don’t need you back right away.”

“They, uh-” This was it then, the moment of truth. “I’m taking a break from the team for now, maybe forever.”

He’s not sure how to interpret the expression on Lily’s face, a mix of hope and happiness and concern all at once. 

“This isn’t because…” She trails off, unable to finish her sentence.

She doesn’t have to.

There’s only one way she could and they both know it.

“No,” Jax says, “I mean, I guess it kind of it, but it’s not… I’m doing this for me too.” 

Lily nods a that, like she understands him.

And he thinks that maybe she really does.

If there was anyone else in the world that could get it, Lily would be that person.

“Hence the to do list?”

“New Year’s Resolutions,” Jax corrects, “You know, ‘tis the season and all.”

“‘Tis the season,” Lily agrees raising her coffee cup in a mock toast. 

One that Jax meets halfway across the table. A light touch, the back of their fingers brushing against each other for the smallest moment. He doesn’t dwell on it though, not for more than a lingers second, before taking a drink of his own, now gone cold coffee.

He grimaces setting it down.

“That bad?”

“Cold coffee.”

“The  _ worst _ ,” Lily insists with a laugh.

He joins her, laughing for the first time in what seems like far too long.

For a moment it seems like he could forget the rest of the world, forget anything but the sound of Lily’s laughter and the taste of cold coffee on his lips. This was one of those moments that a person could live in forever.

“It’s going to be good to have you back, Jax,” Lily says, sounding like she means it, when the laughter dies down.

She makes him want to believe it too. 

“Thanks.” 

“And you know, you don’t have to have your whole five year plan sorted out right away,” Lily insists, “You could start with something small.”

“Like what?”

“Like ice cream, with me, tomorrow night?”

A beginning.

An offer.

A new start.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

 


End file.
